Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
