Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize