DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
