sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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