Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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