why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the condom got lost in my hair
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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