Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
