My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
