I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
