P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
