I love black thongs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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