I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
