He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize