I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
