Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize