Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
