Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fuck appropriateness.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize