WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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