He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize