She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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