K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
