Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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