I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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