I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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