The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
