I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
