No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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