38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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