I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
