The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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