I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I love you.
Bad choice
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