you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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