and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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