I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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