I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
