Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
