WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
