Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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