I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
