Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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