Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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