Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
