How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
