Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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