i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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