We're like a lot better than the average bears
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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