If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
