So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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