Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
