Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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