Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
