Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
