her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize