You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
