Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
