The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
