I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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