We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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