i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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