she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
