Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
