At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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