apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize