i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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