you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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