my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
