Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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