Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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