I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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