Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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